The Chronicles of a Happy Life

I’m slightly tired of wordpress’ shoddy features, so I’ve now shifted back to  http://rastogi29.blogspot.com

“Right now you are young… you want the best job… you want to work hard… take over the world… I’m past all of that. After a while, you only work for your family. I’ll live my dreams through my children.”
-          A young woman studying in the best B-school in Asia Pacific

“Everything has a price. You, me, that guy over there… Once you enter this industry, you sell your soul.”
-          Trader explaining market-making and flow-trading to me

“You don’t drink, kya? No wonder, I haven’t met you for so long!”
-          Me! To a classmate.

“If you don’t blog by this weekend, I’m taking you off my blogroll”
-          A friend who I know is going to smile after reading this.

It is necessarily part of the business of a banker to profess a conventional respectability which is more than human. Life-long practices of this kind make them the most romantic and least realistic of men
- John Maynard Keynes

We Spartans have descended from Hercules himself. Taught never to retreat, never to surrender. Taught that death in the battlefield is the greatest glory he could achieve in his life. Spartans: the finest soldiers the world has ever known.
- Spartan King Leonidas in the movie 300

Persian Warrior: A thousand nations of the Persian empire descend upon you. Our arrows will blot out the sun.
Spartan warrior: Then, we shall fight in the shade
- The movie 300

Hope is the quintessential human delusion which is the source of greatest strength and greatest weakness.
- The Architect, in the movie Neo

I’m not a great fan of cricket, but I found the following forward so funny that I just had to put it up.

Ranjit Singhji: One of the first great Indian cricketing heroes. Singhji was “The cricketer formally known as “Prince”". His most famous exploits include obtaining a UK visa and work permit and inventing the Leg Glance, a move whereby when friends’ sisters walks by in a short skirts you make a sweeping cricket shot action imitation thereby looking at their legs but not getting caught. Famously, Ranjit Singhji once fell ill after a mixing some bad milk in his cup of Darjeeling and could only bowl a single over. In spite of this he got 3 wickets through judicious use of line and length. This is immortalized today in the famous “Corridor of Uncertain Tea”. He names lives on to this day in the form of the tournament named after him, the “Coca-Cola Cup”.

Gundappa Viswanath: Widely considered the greatest left-handed batsmen from Andhra with a moustache to play in the 60s, in Indian History. Played several crucial test innings for India, many times pulling India back from the brink of complete disaster, taking them to mere comprehensive defeats. He was a daring, brave batsman who stood fearless in the face of the quickest bowlers, primarily because he was blinded by his moustache. Renowned for his deft footwork, he once, after being bowled for duck, moonwalked all the way back to the pavilion. His first name means “Fat Papa” in Tamil and this ensured constant victory for India against the Sri Lankans who could not bowl at him with a straight face.

Sunil Gavaskar: The first big international Indian cricket star. Scored thousands upon thousands of runs in a career that spanned several millions of balls left outside off-stump. He was affectionately known as Sunny, the Little Master and that little Prick though the first two were rarely used. He was a tireless team player and inspiring captain who often shouldered a lot of the batting burden and most of the match fees single-handedly. Gavaskar was a cricketer who patiently waited for the loose ball and once did so for three whole days in a limited overs match before stadium security politely asked him to leave. Gavaskar became the captain of India in 1982 taking on the mantle from Srinivasaraghavan Venkataraghavan, an accomplished cricketer himself, who retired from cricket in protest after it became mandatory to wear kits with one’s full name on the back.

Ravi Shashtri: Holds the record for maximum sixes hit in one over with 6 against Tilak Raj in Bombay. Shastri would have hit more but little Tilak had maths homework and a Social Studies test the next day and we all know how bad 7th standard CBSE is. Shastri was one of our first great all-rounders and once, in a remarkable game in the 1987 tour of Ooty and Coimbatore, Shastri bowled himself around the legs. Ravi Shastri was the heartthrob of millions of women in the late 80s and early 90s and was considered a great looker. This has now been found to be an error due to primitive TV broadcasting technology. He is now a well-known and respected cricket commentator. Fiercely patriotic, he recently pegged India to win all the one-days in the South African tour of Sri Lanka.

Kapil Dev: Explosive with the ball, dynamic with the bat and ridiculous with the English language, Kapil Dev was the life of many humorous post-match press conferences. Dev often stood alone in the face of adversity and dragged India out of tight spots. His 175 run innings in Tunbridge Wells is a classic and some of his shots continue to orbit the Earth to this day bouncing off space stations and interfering with TV broadcasts (see Ravi Shastri above.) Kapil Dev was also one of the first few cricketers to make it big in the world of advertising and synonymous with the caption: “Boost is the secret of my enema. Our enema. (Smile)” Nowadays he is a successful entrepreneur and often appears on TV when he roots for India from his heart saying: “India needs to play the games with the heart and the tactics is nice if then the whole together comes… err… boost is the secret of my enema…”

Krishnamachari Srikkanth: A dynamic one-day player who pioneered the technique of repeated letters in one’s name for good luck. Srikkanth was an explosive opening batsman who often stepped out of his crease and swung his bat with great gusto only to be stumped down leg side. He holds the record for maximum consecutives world cups without a haircut (4). Kris Srikkanth was the quintessential South Indian in the team who rapidly learned Hindi while playing for India, leading to an average of well over 4 run outs per match in the process. Today Kris is a passionate cricket commentator who can say “Oh shit, sorry” in over 14 north Indian languages.

Venkatesh Prasad: If Akthar is the “Rawalpindi Express” then for many years Venkatesh Prasad, a key part of the bowling attack, was affectionately called “The Slow Bangalore Passenger That Is Currently Broken Down At Palakkad Station. Passengers approach ticket counter for refund please.” Despite several key wickets, Prasad was not a pacey bowler but instead used a bewildering array of slow, slower and slowest balls to vex batsmen. In the 1992 World Cup he bowled a slow one to Wasim Akram that has not reached the batsman to this day. He was a pioneer of the “Intimidation” school of fielding whereby you do not run for the ball but merely try to stop it by looking at it gravely.

Anil Kumble: Named after the Anil Kumble Circle in Bangalore, where he grew up learning to bowl, Kumble continues to be one of the spinning maestros in the country. However he is not a big mover of the ball but instead unleashes a repertoire of balls so complicated even he does not know what he is doing. He holds the record for having captured 10 wickets in a single test innings but honestly cannot explain how. The author has a particular grouse with Mr. Kumble for having released a shitty cricket video game that the author’s brother forced him to buy. The game has graphics reminiscent of a Rohrschach Test and game play marginally more engaging than digging one’s nose. Kumble is frequently a useful all-rounder and was the first Indian to achieve the “supreme” double of 400 wickets taken and 4000 misfields.

Sachin Tendulkar: No one makes fun of Sachin. Not even me.

Sanjay Manrekar: Manjrekar is an exciting top order batsman with an amazing repertoire of shots. If you play him in that stupid Anil Kumble game that is. In real life he was often called a text-book cricketer, in the sense that watching him bat was like reading a macro-economics text book. Sanjay Manjrekar was full of technique and single-handedly developed 2567 ways of padding upto an off-spinner. His moment of glory was during the Ashes Test of 1994 when Imran Khan approached him and accepted defeat as several of the Pakistani players were collapsing from brain inactivity. Manjrekar valiantly declined and went on to score an astounding century in just under a fortnight.

Venkatpathy Raju: With tremendous movement off the pitch especially in windy gusty weather, Venkatpathy Raju is one of the lightest players to have ever played the game. His bowling, on the other hand, was tricky especially because of a complete lack of speed. Raju bowled with such little pace and his ball took so long to come that batsmen often practiced facing him by getting friends and relatives to courier cricket balls overnight to them through local courier companies.

Circa 1992 A.D. I was all of eight! I distincly remember one boy telling another, “Look at that kid, his parents are so spendthrift that they let him have ‘vada pav’ everyday!” A ‘vada pav’ cost Rs. 3, then. I think we had just learned the meaning of the word, ’spendthrift’.

Cut to 2003. It was the first week of second year in college. A batchmate, a senior and I had gone to have dinner at a dingy place called Raj Bakers (I miss those days!). The senior says, “Yaar! The chicken here is too good, but sometimes I feel… is spending Rs. 70 for a meal, fair to my parents?” (The guy makes over Rs. 200 an hour now at Microsoft).

Now, we’re back to the present. I’ve spent around Rs. 14,000 over the past few days shopping. I’ve bought a shirt made of Egyptian cotton, a shirt that Amitabh Bacchan endorses (he’s wearing the same design in the poster!) and even a shirt that is very plain but costs a lot of money because somebody has drawn an arrow on it! Suits, pants, deodarant (”imported from France, saar!”), ties, watch, too. And I think I’ll also buy new glasses.

It’s crazy how the same amount of money sounds like peanuts when talking about earning it but sounds obscene when spending it on yourself!

The heat and pressure were intense. Several times, he had thought that he would be crushed, or that he would break down but the pressure had only increased further and he had remained standing. After a point, he noticed that he had changed. This was no incremental, gradual shift from what he was before. He was now fundamentally different from those around him – right down to his atomic structure. (Some said that the difference had always been there but was only now visible). He hardly even felt the pressure now though it was higher than ever.

He looked for those like him. At first, he thought that there were more than a million of them. But when he looked at them a little more carefully, he saw that he was mostly alone.

All his life, he had magically known that the world outside offered two broad choices for someone like him. He could sit in the tiara of a beautiful woman – a glorious diamond that was the envy of everybody around him – or he could become an industrial diamond – carrying out the will of men that was as strong as his own. If he chose the first option, all would know him but if he were to replaced by a cheap imitation, none but few would know the difference. In the second option, few would even know he existed but he would know that only he and others like him would be able to do what he was doing.

Of course, many said that the gods had not ordained this to be his choice at all! One day, he felt the pressure being suddenly lifted. He was filtered out, carefully selected and thrust into the open. What would be the diamond’s fate?

P.S. I feel arrogant today. I hope that this is only a phase.

This has been shamelessly copied from another blog :)

the premise…

Here’s a prime example of “Men Are from Mars, Women Are From Venus”offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix.
The professor told his class one day:
“Today we will experiment witha new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a shortstory.You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.”

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students : Ruby and Craig. (Names changed .. in case this is a true story)

THE STORY…

(first paragraph by Ruby)

At first, Laurie couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Craig)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit ove Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. ” A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,” he said into his transgalactic communicator. “Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far…” But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship’s cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Ruby)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. “Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,” Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. “Why must one lose one’s innocence to become a woman?” she pondered wistfully.

(Craig)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu’udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed theUnilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu’udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie.

(Ruby)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinisticsemi-literate adolescent.

(Craig)

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. “Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F–KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I’m such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!”

(Ruby)

Asshole.

(Craig)

Bitch

(Ruby)

F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!

(Craig)

Go drink some tea - whore.

(Professor)

“A+ - I really liked this one.*

Twice today, I expected my friends to let me down but they pulled through. Agreed, that the issues under consideration were small, but they made me realize how skewed my thinking has become. A term of Human Resources Management (HRM) classes taught me that every individual has some ‘interests’ and some ‘powers’ and one can get them to work only by appealing to their self interest or by using one’s power over them. Three Organizational Behavior (OB) courses preached that that there’s ‘politics’ everywhere and that asking someone to do something just because it’s ‘good’ or ‘part of one’s duty’ is just about the most naïve thing one can do. Economics did its small (since I had studied most of it before) part in destroying the little ‘naivety’ I had left.

I learned from my peers too. In my study group, I have a Mr. Optimism who sees sunshine everywhere he looks and a Mr. Cynic who sees an ulterior motive in even a baby’s prattle. (Who says IIMA lacks diversity? :D) In the beginning, I thought I was Mr. Rational who would stay midway between the two. Alas, I’ve been converted to the dark side. This has certainly had its advantages. I got some work done which wouldn’t have been possible otherwise. Most of all, cynicism combined with rationality have helped me have a better understanding of things around me. I now know why some people lose elections and some people win them and why everybody says the RGgiri¹ is bad but many people still do it. When most people get disheartened, betrayed and angry at some things, I can coolly move past those same things without a second thought. A close friend recently remarked that he had never seen me angry. He should have seen me when I was in school!

For the disadvantages, I don’t need to look too far. A very close friend is ‘putting fight’ for getting a girl he likes. The girl also likes him. Unfortunately, both of them are highly cynical people and full of suspicion over each other’s motives. Their ‘relationship’ drags on, lifeless.

As the song goes, “Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.” I think I need to visit North California, sometime soon.

[1] RG stands for relative grading and RGgiri represents the short-term view that one is better off via one-upmanship. I think that it’s not only short-term but also stupid because when competition is against hundreds, refusing to help a few is only counterproductive. Alas, it still goes on.

[2] After two terms of Written Analysis and Communication (WAC), I use endnotes now :)

http://www.divxsubtitles.net/page_subtitles.php

I didn’t expect it, but lots of people really liked my last post, particularly the ‘confidence’ part. Also, quite a few WIMWIians have felt this low at some point or the other and a few gave me quite a bit of gyan. A common theme of the advice is that it is pointless to compare oneself to others as each one of us is unique and has a special role to play on this planet (implying that one doesn’t really need to be as good as others).

Simple as it sounds, it’s pretty tough to implement. Also, I’m not sure that any of us would want to do it. Especially, since all these years of competing have made each of us (WIMWIians), extremely competitive by nature. Each of us sets very high standards for himself or herself and is willing to go all out to achieve his or her goals. When the results are not as per our expectations, it hurts; but it’s also a lot of fun when they are! Also, isn’t it precisely this quality of ours that makes us so attractive to recruiters? Would J P Morgan hire someone who’s satisfied with being average and feeling unique, or someone who’ll constantly work very hard to achieve what he or she wants?

Of course, like everything else, this philosophy would turn harmful if carried too far. One needs to keep a balance between the competitiveness and personal satisfaction. I think I’ve not achieved it yet, but I’m slowly but surely moving towards it.

P.S. WIMWI stands for Well Known Institute of Management in Western India which is what we like to call IIMA.