On Confidence
I didn’t expect it, but lots of people really liked my last post, particularly the ‘confidence’ part. Also, quite a few WIMWIians have felt this low at some point or the other and a few gave me quite a bit of gyan. A common theme of the advice is that it is pointless to compare oneself to others as each one of us is unique and has a special role to play on this planet (implying that one doesn’t really need to be as good as others).
Simple as it sounds, it’s pretty tough to implement. Also, I’m not sure that any of us would want to do it. Especially, since all these years of competing have made each of us (WIMWIians), extremely competitive by nature. Each of us sets very high standards for himself or herself and is willing to go all out to achieve his or her goals. When the results are not as per our expectations, it hurts; but it’s also a lot of fun when they are! Also, isn’t it precisely this quality of ours that makes us so attractive to recruiters? Would J P Morgan hire someone who’s satisfied with being average and feeling unique, or someone who’ll constantly work very hard to achieve what he or she wants?
Of course, like everything else, this philosophy would turn harmful if carried too far. One needs to keep a balance between the competitiveness and personal satisfaction. I think I’ve not achieved it yet, but I’m slowly but surely moving towards it.
P.S. WIMWI stands for Well Known Institute of Management in Western India which is what we like to call IIMA.
Disciplined Breakdown
I haven’t been blogging for a really long time. The reasons are long and varied. For one, it’s a little disconcerting to post something that could be read by my dad, my future boss and of course, my old and new friends.
Another problem is that I just don’t feel as confident and sure of myself as before. In my attempt to be polite and modest, I feel that I’ve reduced my self-esteem which is harmful because after all, nobody trusts people who don’t trust themselves. I need to stop feeling inferior each time I realize that somebody is good at something. I need to get used to having good people around me and understand that I’m also good, though not necessarily at the same things.
Nappy updated his tag post recently and now I’m thinking that I should update mine too. I’ve changed a lot since I last posted that. For instance, (only close friends would truly understand this), I watched Wall Street for the second time yesterday and now I feel that I like it better than Matrix! :D
I got rejected at both the clubs (Beta (Finance club) and Entre) that I had applied to (In IIMA, club selections are serious business with people applying with forms and club co-ordinators conducting semi-formal interactions). This hurt. I can’t blame the co-ords though, after all, I was practically non-existent on the extra-curricular scene in my entire stay here – a big contrast from my IIIT days.
I have become used to the constant ‘fear’ of quizzes, nay, I have become numbed to them. The gods of marks (gods were invented so that men have someone to attribute things that they don’t understand, right?) seem to be playing a game with me. On one hand, Marketing is the subject that I’m least passionate about and I totally cracked the Marketing quiz (scored highest across sections). On the other hand, I got licked like India in an India-Aus cricket match (I even crack sports jokes now!) in the Finance quiz which is a subject I deeply love.
Yesterday, I got my first bumps for after-class CP (class participation). In IIMA, for the greater common good, it’s a generally accepted rule that if anybody causes the professor to exceed the lecture time limit by putting CP, he or she will be given bumps. I completely support this rule too! Anyhoo, the eco prof. was explaining some very complicated concept that most of the class had given up trying to understand and was almost asleep. I was part of the remaining minority. In my complete involvement in the discussion, I lost track of the time and asked a question, one minute after the end of the class. In the next instant, I heard the class give a collective sigh and I realized that I was going to get ‘hurt real bad’ (Ref Russel Peters video) in the next few minutes. The prof answered, I listened and then after the class ended, I got several hard kicks to the rear :(
A high-point of my day is the one hour or so that I spend in the gym. I had been doing only cardio exercises till very recently, but now I’ve started doing weights too. The feeling of pumping iron is simply unmatchable :) I hope to be able to continue this in my job too.
As for the title, that’s an album by Collective Soul (I’ve been listening to a lot of Collective Soul and U2 these days and practically no Linkin Park (yet another change in me!)). Also, in some ways, it represents my state of mind over the past several days.
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952
